Here I sit and Ponder.

Some nights I find myself browsing through the numerous amount of blogs online. I often get little L to sleep and rejoice in my "alone" time where I get to relax and unwind for a few before hitting the haysack myself. The blogs I've most recently read have made me come to a new realization that I truly wanted never to confront. It's not often that you come across such saddening stories that it makes your heart feel heavy and puts your stomach in knots. I've come across so many of these blogs the past few nights that I'm beginning to wonder why I was so blessed with such a happy healthy family. In my world, children don't die...and neither do their mothers. What world is this, you ask? Well after tonight, it's now my old world. The world I used to pretend was real just to hide the painful thought that death is real and could happen at any moment. I now feel guilty that I lay little L in his crib alone at night to sleep when I could be cuddling with him, savoring his every second of being...just being. I'm sure all of those families that have suffered the tragedy of losing their little ones would give anything to do this. My blog is titled Loves Journey because you never really know what road love may take you down. Long, short, weak, strong, hate or anger...so many emotions connected to love. I thrive on what the good feelings of love have brought me, even if it's for a short moment. I think this is how these families get through such a tragedy, reflecting on the time their little one was around...not the memories of the time they were taken away. I want you all to know you're in my prayers every night and you inspire me to be a better person, mother, daughter, and friend.
I just needed to take a moment and reflect on what I was feeling, nothing sums this post up more than...

"You don't know what you've got...until its gone." 

Love you forever and always Little L <3