Here I sit and Ponder.

Some nights I find myself browsing through the numerous amount of blogs online. I often get little L to sleep and rejoice in my "alone" time where I get to relax and unwind for a few before hitting the haysack myself. The blogs I've most recently read have made me come to a new realization that I truly wanted never to confront. It's not often that you come across such saddening stories that it makes your heart feel heavy and puts your stomach in knots. I've come across so many of these blogs the past few nights that I'm beginning to wonder why I was so blessed with such a happy healthy family. In my world, children don't die...and neither do their mothers. What world is this, you ask? Well after tonight, it's now my old world. The world I used to pretend was real just to hide the painful thought that death is real and could happen at any moment. I now feel guilty that I lay little L in his crib alone at night to sleep when I could be cuddling with him, savoring his every second of being...just being. I'm sure all of those families that have suffered the tragedy of losing their little ones would give anything to do this. My blog is titled Loves Journey because you never really know what road love may take you down. Long, short, weak, strong, hate or anger...so many emotions connected to love. I thrive on what the good feelings of love have brought me, even if it's for a short moment. I think this is how these families get through such a tragedy, reflecting on the time their little one was around...not the memories of the time they were taken away. I want you all to know you're in my prayers every night and you inspire me to be a better person, mother, daughter, and friend.
I just needed to take a moment and reflect on what I was feeling, nothing sums this post up more than...

"You don't know what you've got...until its gone.

Love you forever and always Little L <3


Ida Red (aka Richele) said...

I know how you feel. I think I take for granted too often the health and well being of my family until I read a heart wrenching story. I need to remember my family is just that special everyday and not just when I read a sad story. However, I am grateful for those who share such grief...it truly blesses. I pray it blesses them back.

Buckeroomama said...

So true. We make sure to have a 'thankful' moment in our prayers every night, if only to say thank you for little mundane things that we otherwise might have taken for granted.

Following you from MBC.

Mamahood, Among Other Things…

lovemylevi said...

Thanks for reading!

Dumb Dawn said...

I know that I too...for a very long time...Lived in the world where Children and their parents were not effected by death. I was sad that it happened to other families, and thankful not mine. Until I lost my son in a terrible accident. Once second he was there...the next GONE.
Mom's who have lost a child, live in a different world, of constant ache.
The memories are very important to me. Those are what lift me up.
When I feel the pull to end my own life it helps me to put myself in a place where I can remember all of the little things about my son. His laugh, the little strawberry mark on his eyelid, his blonde blonde hair, the dirt under his fingernails that use to drive me nuts.
The way he breath when he was sleeping...and the quirky things he did.
I pray every night that I will see him in my dreams. Good dreams. Because this wait I have to wait to see him again in heaven (Lord willing) is HELL.

JaelCustomDesigns said...

Popping in from MBC! (FFF Club)
Now following you...

I live for my family everyday and try not to take anything or anyone for granted because I know tomorrow isn't promised to us so, I try to live everyday to the fullest and tell and show everyone how much they mean to me.

lovemylevi said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story Dawn. Not only will it help others but it will inspire them to become aware of what they are taking for granted in their lives. Know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Jael--thanks for following! It's so great to hear from someone how much they appreciate their family each day!

Organize Your Life said...

So true. Treasure what you have b/c you don't know what you've got till it's gone.
Claire McFee
Organize Your Life Organizers

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