Lovely Defeat: Divorce

"You are only given as much as you can handle" I find a lot of truth in this statement, not because I think we as humans are strong, but because we as humans are forced to face what comes our way. Whether we truly want to, or not. I have a wonderful friend that constantly reminds me, "You will get through it, because you have to." Simple, yet so painstakingly truthful. Thank you friend. Towards the beginning of my divorce the weight of defeat became this all consuming tortuous virus that had begun eating away at my brain, or what was left for a mother of three. Let it be known, there's not much brain space left for any mother, and the numbers certainly don't increase with each child. I grew up knowing that marriage wasn't everything Disney had tried to convince me it was, having lived in a household where I prayed daily that my parents would divorce. I should have known from the start, what could we have done differently? If anything, change is always helpful when the current situation is in turmoil. It took months for me to release the guilt and pain. When you put so much effort into something for 7 years it's truly difficult to not have expected more for your hard work. I should have had a masterpiece, and instead I now have the complete opposite. How could I have not seen this the entire time, how could I have convinced myself for so long?! I won't go into details, they simply don't matter anymore. Simply put, it didn't work out. It happens, and i'm okay. However I do treat life differently now, gently and wholeheartedly. I refuse to ever give up on love. I will always love! How unfair would it be for my children to see so much sadness when it's always been my choice? I could never do that to them, nor to myself. My interactions with others are genuine now. They are pure and to the point. If I see no potential in a friendship, I gently move forward and release both parties of an unspoken burden each human must bare. You don't have to like everyone. Did you know that? Let me say it again. You do not have to like everyone! I know, I know it's a lot to take in. I still have a hard time accepting this fact, especially as an empath. Of course I in no way mean to tell you to be mean, cruel, or exclusionary...just know you don't have to seek friendship within every person you meet. I've become truly happier not feeling like I have to please the world at every social gathering, every grocery store trip, and every time I'm writing. My feelings of defeat from my divorce became a lovely awakening. How lucky am I?
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