and I cried

Tomorrow Oreo turns 2. Yep two years old, already! I seriously get tears in my eyes just typing it. Like real full on I could probably start bawling kind of tears. I'm not sure why, I suppose it could be the pregnancy hormones. Or the thought that he is getting bigger and someday, luckily not today, he wont let me cuddle and kiss him whenever I'd like. There I go again. Clouding up the screen with my pitiful tears. 
Okay. *Deep Breath*
All better.
I never understood why parents would get so emotional when their little ones 'grew up.' Why my mom wouldn't leave the kindergarten room even when I insisted she was embarrassing me with her camera. Or why she was so sad the day I went off to college, and didn't want to drop me off for fear that her crying would embarrass me. I feel so inconsiderate now. Especially now that I am in her shoes. 
Could it be regret? Regret for the things that you just didn't have enough time to do?
I was given the idea to make more 'time.' 
More time for the things I claim not to have the time for. 
Instead of waking up when Oreo wakes up I vow to set the alarm clock, get my sewing done a few hours before he wakes up. Spend every moment with him even if we have to desperately search for something to do. 
All of my 'timely' activities like facebook, bargain hunting, my blog, my e-mails, and new shop orders can wait until the late evening when Oreo is spending time with daddy or after he goes to bed at night. Sure I might miss a really good deal, but missing a good deal is not half as bad as missing part of what means the most to you. 
I have a list of things we are going to do together. Things I've been meaning to get to all summer, things that I didn't have enough 'time' for. So this must be where the tears are coming from. Guilt. Pure guilt that I use a dvd to entertain Oreo while I sew or check facebook, instead of taking him on a fun adventure that a little one deserves. Sure we go out every once in a while but on days that we stay home together I am usually too busy to give him my full attention the entire day. 
So here's to mornings, naps, and bedtime. Here's to more 'Time.' I will no longer be around for those in betweens. 

~Happy 2nd Birthday to the Light of my Life~

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"
blog comments powered by Disqus
Related Posts with Thumbnails