AF just comes like its ok

I have never stared at a piece of toilet paper for that long in my entire life. I hurts so much for AF to have arrived (3 days early at that) this month because I was SO sure, so very very sure that I was PG. Everything felt different this time around, I just knew we had finally done it. To top things off there have been 5 women from our TTC chat that got their BFP's (big fat positives) recently. Why would I be left out...what did I do to deserve this ridiculous BFN, again. I can't believe how much it hurts this time, I kept telling myself I would never let it get to me this much but I did, and now i'm not sure what to do. I think we are going to take a break until after I get my head straight again. I'm glad no one is around to see me right now. I feel so weak, the tears just keep flowing and I can't stop them. I don't even know how i'm going to tell Big D when he gets home from work, I feel horrible for telling him that I think this cycle was it. For getting his hopes up, everyones this time. I've been so positive and trying to think about things in a greater light, always looking up and never down. 
* Sigh*
 Where to go from here...

"Heya throw your hands up and holla
Throw your hands up and holla
When you don’t know what to do
Don’t know if you’ll make it through
Remember god is giving you beauty in the world
So love (Beauty in the world)
Yeah love (Beauty in the world)" 
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