Loves Jurn3

5.10.2015

To Every Mother on Mother's Day

Feel the way you need to feel. Feel it all, and feel it without guilt. I've read my fair share of blog posts and articles describing the triumphs and tribulations of Mother's around the world. I was told not to be sad, not to hold anger in my heart, told to love what I do...even the messy parts. I became stuck within a whirlwind of emotions when I woke up this Mother's Day morning. Functioning on little sleep, having a sink full of dishes and a list full of empty bellied toddler ridden demands. No word of Mother's Day spoken, no special breakfast being made in my kitchen, and no sleeping in. I am a single mother. I am a mother. I am a human with many emotions. The hardest part about Holidays is false expectation. Truth is my day won't be, nor should it be anything like anyone elses.

My Mother's Day is my youngest singing me a song about sunshine to wake me up, my oldest excitedly showing me his magic tricks, my sweet middle child pointing out the beautiful blossoms as we take out the garbage. It's not what other's say it should be, it's what we make of it. It's what we feel, and what you're feeling is perfectly fine.

Happy Mother's Day my friends, you're doing it just the way you're meant to be.

Game of Thrones

I don't have cable, I don't have wifi, but what I do have is a fancy new membership to family video! This gives me access to movies and shows that I've simply not had the time for, for many years!

I know I'm late to the party but Game of Thrones is...how do I put this, AMAZING. I forgot what it's like to get lost in another world for a bit each night. I'm in the middle of season 4 and scared to finish. I'd love some suggestions about what to check out next, it will ease the fear of finality. Oh, and I may or may not refer to my 3 children as dragons now. Afterall Mother of Dragons has quite the ring to it!

Lovely Defeat: Divorce

"You are only given as much as you can handle" I find a lot of truth in this statement, not because I think we as humans are strong, but because we as humans are forced to face what comes our way. Whether we truly want to, or not. I have a wonderful friend that constantly reminds me, "You will get through it, because you have to." Simple, yet so painstakingly truthful. Thank you friend. Towards the beginning of my divorce the weight of defeat became this all consuming tortuous virus that had begun eating away at my brain, or what was left for a mother of three. Let it be known, there's not much brain space left for any mother, and the numbers certainly don't increase with each child. I grew up knowing that marriage wasn't everything Disney had tried to convince me it was, having lived in a household where I prayed daily that my parents would divorce. I should have known from the start, what could we have done differently? If anything, change is always helpful when the current situation is in turmoil. It took months for me to release the guilt and pain. When you put so much effort into something for 7 years it's truly difficult to not have expected more for your hard work. I should have had a masterpiece, and instead I now have the complete opposite. How could I have not seen this the entire time, how could I have convinced myself for so long?! I won't go into details, they simply don't matter anymore. Simply put, it didn't work out. It happens, and i'm okay. However I do treat life differently now, gently and wholeheartedly. I refuse to ever give up on love. I will always love! How unfair would it be for my children to see so much sadness when it's always been my choice? I could never do that to them, nor to myself. My interactions with others are genuine now. They are pure and to the point. If I see no potential in a friendship, I gently move forward and release both parties of an unspoken burden each human must bare. You don't have to like everyone. Did you know that? Let me say it again. You do not have to like everyone! I know, I know it's a lot to take in. I still have a hard time accepting this fact, especially as an empath. Of course I in no way mean to tell you to be mean, cruel, or exclusionary...just know you don't have to seek friendship within every person you meet. I've become truly happier not feeling like I have to please the world at every social gathering, every grocery store trip, and every time I'm writing. My feelings of defeat from my divorce became a lovely awakening. How lucky am I?

30 Day Shred

I started this year out right. Clean eating, cutting all take out and fast food, and swapping beer and sodas for wine (hey its proven okay in moderation!) and water. I began running a mile daily on the treadmill mid-January and am not getting quick enough results! I definitely feel better, my body has been very thankful for the changes, I just need a quicker response to keep on track! I have heard great things about Jillian's 30 Day Shred so I am giving it a go!

I started February 14th and my legs were unbearably sore until this morning February 18th, so if you start don't stop, it gets better I promise! I am in love with the workout itself, the entire workout is only 20 mins long and the moves are simple enough for a beginner yet effective enough that you will feel the burn!

Keep checking back, I will post my before and after pictures at the end! I am not following any special diet, I drink a protein shake in the morning and eat 'clean' the rest of the day, around every 3 hours is a snack or salad! I am not a saint and the occasional slip up does happen, we are all human!

"Never let a single defeat be a final defeat!"

The Plan:
1 mile on the treadmill daily
Feb 14th-24th Level 1: 30 day shred
Feb 25th-March 7th Level 2: 30 day shred
March 8th- 18th Level 3: 30 day shred

The Protein Shake:
Unsweetened coconut Milk
Jay Robb egg white protein shake mix 1/2 scoop
Garden of life Raw protein shake mix 1/2 scoop